January 2012
11 posts
My fuckin brother
Patrick: Let Mom know it's raining cats and dogs here, and I just stepped in a poodle, but at least I'm toasty and dry cause of your jacket and Mom's slightly feminine lavender umbrella
Me: You stepped in a poodle? Messy.
Patrick: It's a beautifully crafted pun. I don't have rain galoshes to stomp in puddles with impunity. So if you stomp in puddles you get wet. That's life.
Me: And if you stomp in poodles they might bleed all over your non-galoshes.
Patrick: So you're saying poodles are nothing but blood in fragile bubbles, and not a body encased in a skeleton battle tested to resist wear and tear right down to the last tuft of hair on its ferocious war-torn body
Me: I mean...they're pretty fragile looking. Not exactly harbingers of fear, are they? A couple of good stomps would do them in.
Patrick: What, am I going to randomly stomp on a poodle and tell its owner I'm aiding in the natural selection of stomp-resistant poodles?
Me: You mean you didn't already do that?!
Patrick: I had a quiz. Poodles cannot be stomped until quizzes have been had.
“Everyone is a loser sometimes.”
– My father, trying to make me feel better about not having friends
“Please…if I just wanted to f*ck I would have asked you to f*ck in not so...”
– CM, demonstrating How Chivalry Has Changed
“Duuuude, he’s a total beaner. You look at him and he looks like he sells...”
– David Argumosa, using one of his favorite words.
December 2011
33 posts
FYI
If you’re trying to make fun of my alma mater and our flesh-ripping, hulk-smash-destroyer, fierce-as-all-fuck mascot the Golden Bear, calling me “Teddy Bear” is not the most effective way to do it.
For obvious reasons.
Date A Girl Who Experiments
Date a girl who experiments. Date a girl who spends her time in the lab instead of the club. Date the girl who was out all night because that one reaction just didn’t yield the results she expected. And so she found a new approach ran it again. And again. And again.
Find a girl who questions. You’ll know she does because she’s at a Space & Science museum, silently absorbing the facts of our...
“Are you ready to be a Trojan?”
– Tim, expressing his very thorough knowledge of my die-hard blue&gold loyalty. In light of Matt Barkley’s recent announcement, Trojan talk is all I’ve been hearing recently and it’s making my skin crawl.
“She likes when I sleep in with her…but I just feel like I’m wasting...”
– Aylwin, demonstrating How Chivalry Has Changed
More final review
Me: Who's Joseph?
Student: ...Can you give me a hint?
Reviewing for a final on the Bible + the Odyssey...
Me: And what did Abel do?
Student: Abel offered the first of his flock.
Me: Do you know what a flock is?
Student: No.
Me: Think. What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says 'flock'?
Student: Birds? Abel offered God his first bird?
“May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where...”
– Saint Theresa’s Prayer
In the spirit of the holidays, I’ve been trying to find peace with where my life currently stands, and this helps.
“Ugh, love handles should not be called love handles, they should be called hate...”
– Patrick, lamenting the slow progress of his get-back-in-shape plan
She just meme'd me
B: Dude, ____ is lame.
Me: WORD. Word, word, word.
B: y u no cool, ____?
Why David Ruiz and I Are Friends, part XIII
Keep in mind that this fool called me at 1 in the morning and I was sleeping.
David: What are you doing for New Years?!
Me: I..don't know yet. Wanna do something?
David: I'm going to Vegas with friends from high school. You're more than welcome to come. In fact, it would be. Awesome. if you came. Just saying. Don't feel pressured to come. Just...if you did, that would be awesome.
Me: Okay. I'll think about--
David: What are you doing for Christmas?!
Me: I...nothing?
David: Well you'd be slightly welcome to come to hang with my family.
Me: Why are you so concerned about my holiday plans?
David: I just want to make sure you have a dinner or something to go to!
Tonight
I went on one of the most confusing dates I’ve ever been on. Never have I, in one go, laughed so hard (because we made some great jokes), been kissed so awkwardly, AND been made to feel so childish, all at the same time.
Today I was at Target and I heard a lady behind me trying on sweaters and speaking in Khmer. I tried to ignore it because I generally don’t find it entertaining when I’m having a conversation and it gets revealed that I speak Mandarin and the other party finds it necessary to share the two phrases of butchered Mandarin they know. But then this lady decided to come over and share a...
“ I really hope Mitch has some monster deal up his butt that he’s waiting...”
– Tracy, in a conversation we had about CP3’s second welcome to LA
“It’s like they were living in a 5-minute, make-believe-happy world.”
– Linda, keeping it real.
I got to sit down and have a 2+ hour chat with her today after not seeing each other for nearly two years. It’s really nice to know that things can pick up right where they left off, and that we remain good friends because we prioritize each other and make an effort to...
Not real funny; Chemistry funny
Me: So what's the shape of a molecule with two atoms and no lone pairs attached to the central atom?
Student: Flat.
For Those Who May Be Confused
I was in Cambodia with the Peace Corps from July 2010 to November 2011.
I am back in Los Angeles now.
I am a life enthusiast.
Young Wisdom
Patrick: How was your date?
Me: It was good. We went to Korean barbecue.
Patrick: Ugh. Korean barbecue is not a good place for a date.
Me: Why?
Patrick: It's a date! You expect dim lighting, quiet music so you can hear each other talk...but at Korean barbecue all you hear is sizzling meat, drunk Koreans yelling, and there's smoke in your eyes. And at the end of the date you're wondering, should we hug, since we both smell? And you end up hugging and all you can smell is meat vapors.
Me: Oddly enough, that's exactly what happened.
Patrick: That better be all that happened.
How Chivalry Has Changed
CM: Don't say that you might offend someone...hahaha on the other hand it would be hilarious and I got your back
Me: Do you? Or would you throw me under the bus to increase the laugh factor??
CM: I am the bus that they have to go through to get to you
July 2011
1 post
Slang (that somehow got lost in translation)
Me: How did you do on your exams?
Host Brother: I'm cool.
June 2011
2 posts
Vocab with the Cousins II
Me: Make a sentence with 'mean.'
Sophea: My chicken is very mean.
Neat: You can't say your chicken is mean! Dogs are mean. Chickens are not mean.
Sophea: It IS mean. Ever since it had babies. Doesn't let us go near it.
Vocab with the Cousins
Me: Make a sentence with 'mean.'
Theara: (thinking out loud, Khmer) What's a good sentence with 'mean'...
Neat: My dog is very--
Theara: NO, my MOTHER!
Theara: (thinking, writing) My mother is very mean...just like...tiger.
May 2011
1 post
Heretic Pride: Los Angeles, I'm Yours →
davidrex:
As of late I’ve held a surprising amount of hate towards Los Angeles (and I apologize to anyone who’s had to listen to me rant about it. Christine, spoiler alert, your incoming letter has a lot of LA hate, woops), and it’s taken me quite some time to pinpoint it, but I’ve finally really nailed it…
WAIT: Does this mean I AM getting cat pictures or I’m NOT getting cat...
March 2011
2 posts
Deja Vu
My host sister is studying midwifery in Phnom Penh right now, and every time she comes home—vacations, random breaks, illnesses—my mother goes above and beyond to make sure she has enough to eat, etc. It reminds me of my infrequent visits home when I was in college. And yeah, it made me miss my real parents. (And Patrick, too, I guess.)
Late
I know I’m super late in “discovering” the Far East Movement, but forgive me, music and news don’t really travel this far out into Southeast Asia.
I’ve been religiously watching their “Rocketeer” and “Like a G6” videos as well as googling images of them to see what they look like without their sunglasses (not as good with them on, maybe...